


Heartbreak

by spn_fam17



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Big Brother Dean Winchester, Emotionally Hurt Sam Winchester, F/M, Heartbreak, Hurt Sam Winchester, Protective Dean Winchester, Season/Series 15
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:53:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24314593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spn_fam17/pseuds/spn_fam17
Summary: Post 15x09: It has been about a week since Eileen left the bunker. Sam has been doing okay. But, one night, Sam starts to realize the pain heartbreak can cause. Dean, of course, has to help his little brother.
Relationships: Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	Heartbreak

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all! I decided on a whim to write this! I love Sam and Eileen's relationship and hope she comes back at least one more time before the show ends! I hope you all enjoy this one!

Sam was lying in his bed, staring up at his ceiling. He had been in the same position for about an hour now. He just couldn’t move. 

Eileen had left the bunker about a week ago. Since then, Sam had been feeling a little down, but that was about it. They had to focus on Chuck, so he didn’t have time to deal with other problems at the moment. He needed to work with Dean and Cas to find a way to stop him. 

But tonight, Sam felt different. He felt like he was trapped in a box and couldn’t get out. Like he was having trouble breathing. He didn’t realize why till he went and laid down in his bed. 

His body physically felt fine. It was his emotions that were not okay, though. As soon as Sam laid on his bed, memories flashed into his mind. Memories of Eileen. Each one appeared, from when they first met to when they made margaritas in the bunker. Then, it went to being trapped in that casino with Eileen crying as she twisted the knife into Sam’s shoulder. And her telling Sam she couldn’t differentiate what was real anymore. And, of course, her walking up those steps of the bunker and leaving through the door. 

The more he thought about her, the more his heart hurt, like it was in a vice grip. His breathing was becoming more laborious, too. It just felt like his entire body was tense and tired at the exact same time. Like a balloon that was blown up to the point it could easily pop, yet was also deflating quickly at the same time. A true conundrum.

He missed her. He really, truly missed her. 

Sam couldn’t stop the memories as they fell right into place in his mind. The perfect masterpiece of destruction for himself. 

A hot, wet feeling started in his eyes, which he recognized were tears. He fought back against them, though. He needed to get over this so he could research. But he just couldn’t move.

Suddenly, there was a knock on his door. Sam didn’t even flinch.

“Sam, you in there?”

Dean. Of course. His brother was probably wondering where he had wandered off to. He kinda just disappeared without saying anything. 

Sam took a deep breath and spoke. “Yeah. I’m in here.”

“You okay?”

Was he okay? The answer was a definite no. He really wasn’t, but he didn’t want to admit that. Plus, he really didn’t want to worry Dean. His brother was always, ALWAYS, worried about him. Dean had enough to deal with, and Sam didn’t want to be another burden for him.

“Yeah. I’m good. Just tired.”

He hoped that worked. Dean didn’t answer for a few seconds. Sam was wondering what he was thinking. He hoped his older brother would leave him alone. He didn’t feel like talking, and he definitely didn’t want Dean fussing over him instead of dealing with whatever he needed to do.

“Sam, can I come in?”

That wasn’t good. Obviously, his brother didn’t believe him. His number one job was worrying over Sam, even if it meant letting the world go to hell. 

“Sure.”

Sam continued to lay on his back as he heard the door open when Dean entered. He didn’t look at the eldest Winchester, though, and instead choose to continue staring at the ceiling. 

“Sammy, you’re not actually okay, are you?”

Sam decided to sit up. He pushed himself using his arms so his back was against his headboard. He brought his legs up to his chest, making himself smaller. He didn’t want to talk about his feelings at the moment, even with Dean. He just wanted to be alone.

Dean moved to sit at the end of the bed, with one leg hanging off of the edge and the other on the bed so he could face Sam better. “Sammy?”

Sam sighed. He couldn’t hide anything from Dean. He had never been good at it. 

“No. I’m not.”

Dean tilted his head. “What’s wrong?”

Sam had his hands in his lap and was absently pushing at the scar on his hand. The scar that was caused by his hallucinations of Lucifer. It was a nervous tic he had picked up ever since that happened when he was nervous and upset. 

“Dean, I don’t wanna talk about it.”

Dean took a deep breath. “Talking might make you feel better. I’m here to listen. Always.”

Sam rubbed one of his hands down his face. He wasn’t getting out of this conversation. That he knew for sure.

“I don’t know, man. I just- I’m feeling down right now. Because of Eileen.”

Dean’s face shifted to one of understanding and sadness, obviously directed at his younger sibling. 

“I’m sorry. I hate that she left.”

Sam laughed flatly at that. “Yeah, well, of course she did.”

Dean scrunched his face up in confusion. “What do you mean?”

Sam shook his head. “Every woman I have ever tried to have a relationship with, or even just liked, has died or left. Every single one. So, of course, Eileen would, too.”

Dean shifted on the bed. “Dude, you know she didn’t leave because of you. She left because of what Chuck had done to her.”

Sam felt a strong feeling starting to well up inside of him. “I know, but I’m the problem. I’m the catalyst. I have caused so much pain just by being alive to so many people. It started with Jessica. I could have saved her, Dean. I could have saved her! I knew what was going to happen! But, I just HAD to have a normal life, so I ignored it. And she was killed. The woman I was going to freakin’ marry was burned on the ceiling. And she was killed due Azazel and his damn plan! Which was also because of me!”

Sam could feel the tears welling up in his eyes. He felt the cracks in his tough persona starting to break.

“Then, there was Sarah. I left her so as to not hurt her, and then seven years later, Crowley kills her. Madison, who I had to shoot and kill. She didn’t choose to be a werewolf and was so kind, and yet begged me to kill her. Amelia, who didn’t die, but whose husband she believed to be dead was actually alive. I felt like I had lost some of her after that news, so I left her. I went to find you. And she moved on without me. Now Eileen. Eileen who was also killed. But I brought her back only to find out Chuck had been screwing with her. Trying to find me. And her face when she had that knife in my shoulder, I-“

Sam broke off his last sentence with a sob. He couldn’t stop the tears anymore. And his walls were completely broken. He felt so overwhelmed with emotions, which only caused more sobs to tear through him. 

Dean had moved over to be beside Sam, his arm over the younger one’s shoulders, pulling him in to help comfort him. This did help Sam feel a little better. 

“I-I just-I don’t understand. Why are we s-so cursed?! H-Happiness just s-seems to be yanked right out f-from under our feet. I-I just want us to be happy.”

Dean reached his hand out to touch Sam’s chin. He turned his little brother’s face towards his. His words were spoken calmly and with so much love and understanding, it caused more tears to fall onto Sam’s cheeks.

“I’m truly sorry, Sam. I’m sorry that you are dealing with heartbreak. I’m sorry for all of the crap you have gone through. You don’t deserve any of it. We don’t deserve it. I have always wanted nothing but happiness for you. Seeing you suffer over the years has ripped me to shreds because you’re my brother. When you hurt, I hurt.”

Sam was gripping onto every word Dean spoke like it was his lifeline. He realized yet again just how much he needed his big brother.

“Sammy, don’t give up on Eileen. She just needs some time. She’ll come back. I can see how great you two are together, and I know she truly cares about you. And, no matter what, I’m here for you. Always. I am here to help carry some of the burden you are feeling. I know we both try to bottle it all up because that’s what Dad always told us, but screw that. Please talk to me when you are hurting.”

Sam looked at Dean and nodded. “Thanks Dean.” 

His sobs had quieted and only a few tears were slipping out. He felt some of that terrible pressure lift off of him at least a little bit. 

Dean lightly patted Sam on the side of his face. “Of course. Thanks for the chick-flick moment, Bitch.”

Sam felt a smirk fall on his lips at the familiar name. “Jerk.”

Dean smiled back at him. Sam never would understand how Dean knew exactly how to make him feel better. He just always chalked it up to Dean being the best big brother anyone could ask for. But he believed it was actually because his brother truly cared for him, and would always be there for him. No matter what. Even through the pain, tears, and heartbreak. Dean would be there.

“Well, I guess I will leave you be, then.” 

Dean started to try to get off of the bed and Sam shot his arm out to grab his wrist. Dean turned his head towards his younger brother.

“W-Wait. Do you think, um, you could stay just a little longer?” 

Dean smiled and sat back down on the bed. 

“Of course, Sammy. I’ll stay as long as you need.”

Sam relaxed as Dean moved next to him. He felt safe and calm. While his heart hurt and the pain would still be there, he knew that with his big brother by his side, he could get through this. He could survive anything with him there. So he would push through this pain. And maybe, just maybe, Dean was right and Eileen would come back.

Maybe.


End file.
